Well, I’m back. The wedding is over. The election is over. Fall is over, and the discontent of our winter is surely around the corner. Or something like that. Actually, I have come to realize that discontent is a major driving force in my life. Perhaps it’s my Scottish heritage, or my strongly pro-union upbringing, but whenever I engage in political and social change, I feel an amazing fire in my blood. I’ve always been an instigator (ask my parents for some of those stories), and shaking up the power structure gives me a sense of purpose in this world of ours. I wish I could explain it better, but I really lack the words to describe this feeling. And I love it, but it torments me at the same time. I am now trying to figure out how to be proactive and hopeful while working for change. This is a daily struggle, as there is a sense of creeping cynicism lurking in the deep corners of some of the streets I’ve been walking lately.
Much has changed this year, some for the good, and some for the…well, let’s just say that my honeymoon with schooliness is officially over. I’ve been feeling adrift too, and I’m not even sure where to begin anymore. Prior years saw an intense focus on my own professional development, but this year is different. I know that I will forever engage in a critical reflection of my teaching, however I am slowly learning that this is simply not enough. One cannot holistically develop their craft within a system that stifles creative freedom and pigeonholes conversation into a very limited ideological box. I am becoming increasingly frustrated with the crystalline nature of our educational systems, which keeps bringing me back to that old question: is it better to work for change within the system, or outside by imagining different models? Don does a better job articulating this struggle, as it’s one we’ve been having together for some time now. Dina, I’m sure you can relate as well. I am less and less convinced that change can come from within the system. While I see small glimmers of hope popping up here and there on a daily basis, they constantly seem to eventually flicker away. I still don’t know though…
So this is where I am: forever becoming more aware of the political reality around me. This discontent brings with it all sorts of new strife, but also the hope of other possibilities, some of which haven’t even been imagined yet. I can’t say that it isn’t interesting, no matter how frustrating it sometimes becomes, and I am excited about what the future holds. Last week I spent a considerable amount of time working for the Obama Campaign, and last Tuesday night we saw our efforts carried to fruition as we huddled around a TV watching this. I stood next to a very elderly African-American woman and watched her openly weep at what she was witnessing. We hugged, and she said to me, “Now we have a lot of work to do.” Yes we do. I hope I am strong enough to do it.
I finish this, and think that you completely undersell your ability to write, Joseph.
Beyond that, yes, I can relate, to understate it quite a bit. I suppose I still think you can both leave Egypt *and* convert the Pharaoh. But who knows? Perhaps I am just young and stupid.
I’m with Dina — that’s a powerfully written post.
And here’s some disjointed thoughts that I’ll try to come back to when I have more time.
You’ve been one of the relatively small set of eyewitnesses to the creative destruction of my conceptual framework.
Poke around http://www.resalliance.org/ and think about how C.S. Holling’s work translates for the educational system. And for ones own conceptual framework.
The destruction of an outlook or an avenue for action is painful stuff but it’s also wickedly educative.
Good seeing you at STANYS.
Cheers,
Don
Is “creative destruction” an oxymoron?
I agree with your instigator ways!
Is it a middle child thing? I worry about my Zoey like this because she is already the most fiesty, alert and active one out of the three. She just can’t wait to get going, but when you look in her eyes, there is this undeniable spark…
Anyway, I think its a great thing because you definitely call out the elephant in the room and force the rest of us to dig into the hard topics. I’ve seen you many a time bring a whole room full of people back to the real “problem” to consider when the rest of us tend to dance around it. Its hard to be patient with the rest of us the system sometimes, I know.
I feel your pain though with the drudgery of the day within a system stuck in wet cement. It seems so insurmountable and I’m with you feeling pretty negative about any real change happening as a result of me or what I do in the classroom. Part of me though, thinks that connecting with kids is a powerful enough accomplishment. Large change happens with many individuals personally inspired and look at us- remember that conversation we taped for April about all the little things that added up to us choosing to be teachers? I think helping kids realize their potential is pretty incredible, even if it doesn’t lead to large scale change that is tangible. Those little things in life are really important too.
Three pearls of wisdom from people that have stuck with me:
1) “Work for change that you can’t expect in your lifetime. Just because you won’t see it, doesn’t mean you are any less responsible.” – my AmeriCorps Director on my first day when I was only 20 yrs. old. (now that I just wrote that, I feel old…)
2) “Be patient with yourself”- April
3) “If you can complain about something, then you can do something to make it better” – My Dad
My personal favorite mantra… just. keep. going. This applies to lots, like the hour of crying I just endured only to write this one comment!